As a school counselor I work to keep up on research, trends and best practices. Sometimes, though, I simply reflect on my personal experiences. To date, that’s 26 years as an educator and 23 years as a parent. Granted, in both areas I have made my fair share of mistakes. So this blog is about my thoughts related to those experiences, and not based on anyone’s theories or research.
Recently, I was talking with a friend about “winning”, and the notion that all parents want their children to “win”. On the surface, that seems like a great hope to have. We were wondering, though, what that meant for future generations. I fear that we may already have a society where a lot of people are neither good losers nor good winners.
To me, a child’s spirit is critical. There is a difference between treating a child with respect and caring and wanting him/her to believe that he/she will never “lose” at anything. Many adults with whom our children come into contact are not always thinking about the tenderness of children’s spirits. But there is a difference between nurturing a child’s spirit and wanting to shield that child from ever experiencing disappointment.
It may seem like an oversimplification, but I have a steadfast personal and educational philosophy about taking a “loss”. I always ask what was learned, and even what good may come of the loss. And then I remind myself (or my child, or my student) that our society thrives on competition, and sometimes that’s good, and sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes competition involves a judgement of one person (or group) on another. Sometimes someone else had a better day. And sometimes, you’re just not ready to meet a certain challenge.
Finally, I must mention that the notion of winners and losers creates a world in which it is easy not to care about other human beings. Winning at all costs can totally overshadow our concern for others. There is nothing more beautiful than a caring child. I will conclude with a favorite quote from Will Rogers, one I used both in my high school yearbook and as the preface to my educational philosophy – “We can’t all be heroes – someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by”.